I KNOW......

The days are full of swinging from melt down to melt down with some happy bits between. Right now she is crying because Steve has gone down to the lobby to get out dinner order from the delivery guy. My doesn't know where he went, but I think she thinks he went to play outside at the playground without her. I explained that he went to get dinner but she has put on her shoes, and is beside me wailing "Di Choi Bo" which means she wants to go with Daddy and play outside. I am imagining Steve at the little playground in the dark and in the heat (it is about 36 degrees out there right now)- I can't help but snicker. She is however, convinced that this is where he is. She often does not accept any comfort, so I stay close and work my way to her as she will allow, until the big emotions pass. It is close to bedtime which adds another layer of melting down. I think I am getting used to the crying. She has a lot of emotion to work through and crying is so therapeutic. We all feel better after a good cry. In her happier moments, her English is coming along. One of the favorite things she says is "I know". She has no idea what she is saying which makes it hilarious. Of course we all repeat her and laugh which encourages her even more. Despite how well she is doing, we see the footprints of trauma from 3 years living in an institution are on her soul. It will take time and intervention when we return to Canada. For the meantime we have found success with a number of techniques. We keep her as close physically as she wants to be, provide lots of activities that celebrate her success, put her in the kitchen sink to play as water is therapeutic, we have a good bedtime routine and we keep her energy level as balanced as we can. It seems the higher her excitement during a game or activity, the harder she crashes shortly after. We have eliminated screen time completely in favor of more connective activities. All of these seem to be helping her as she finds her way and learns that we love her unconditionally forever. We have a long road ahead, but we will get there. I learned with Natalie a long time ago, a child's journey is their journey. In Vietnam, they believe in destiny. I know that I can walk beside my children, but I can not walk for them. We started this journey 3 years ago, and despite the miles, I have walked beside My everyday.